Knock, knock...

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  Matthew 7:7 

Is it possible that sometimes I become obsessed with knocking on the wrong door? 

I'm awfully persistent (aka stubborn), so at times I knock until my metaphorical knuckles hurt and I don't stop to notice all the other open doors.  How can I see other opportunities in front of me if I'm stuck pounding on a door that may never open?  Sometimes I fear that I'm standing in front of a beautiful blessing, but I'm afraid of it, because it's not what I asked for.  God answers our prayers.  However, "Ask and it will be given to you..." doesn't mention that it will come in whichever specifications I choose, on my time frame and in every way that I see perfect.  God has infinitely more wisdom than I do, so I have to continually learn to trust when my prayers are answered in ways that I don't expect or even want.  It's in the asking that I learn most about myself and in the receiving that I learn most about God. 

So, while it sounds like I'm speaking figuratively, in the next few months I might learn what it feels like to literally knock on doors to find a new job.  Unfortunately, I didn't get a leave of absence from work.  Bummer, I know.  I really spent some time praying and knocking and asking... on a door that didn't open.  It's sad to leave my home on the Neuro floor, my amazing co-workers and the patients, but I wouldn't give up this chance to be a nurse on Mercy Ships for anything.  God is faithful, He gives answers and I know that another door will open.  It's hard for us planners in life to not know what the future brings, but here is what I do know: I simply need to continue asking, seeking and knocking.  God will bless it. 

  

Plans

This weekend I spent time with Danielle, Martha and Kelly, three of my friends from high school.  It was so much fun to cheer on the Badgers, laugh and catch up.  There is something so comforting in spending time with people who knew me when I wore braces!  And it turns out, the ridiculous jokes from our band nerd days are still hilarious! 



D, Merta, and me!

Throughout the weekend my friends and I discussed all the ways we've changed since we were seniors in high school. This afternoon I've been thinking of all the twists and turns my life has taken in the six short years since graduation.  I am so thankful for all of the surprise endings, winding paths and lessons learned.  I've learned to appreciate life and not take everything so gosh darn seriously.  When I was 18, I could not have predicted what my life would look like at 25...

 

                   So why am I so concerned about what life will look like after Mercy Ships? 

 

As I make plans A, B, C, D and E regarding my job at UW and consider the impact that my time on Mercy Ships will have on my career, I am realizing that I cannot know what the future brings.  No matter how many plans I make or how precisely I've mapped out my future, life is going to change.  Plans change.  Maybe this time of uncertainty is good for me.  Over the years, I've learned the most about myself and God when my plans have been stripped from me. 

 

Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do."  I am reminded that God has created me to do specific work in the world.  Regardless of the amount of back-up plans I have, God's plan will be far more beautiful than mine.  I can't picture it, but I'm not supposed to.   

November To Do List

Today I'm writing from an unseasonably cold Las Vegas.  I'm not here for the weather, but to visit the Fenskes!  My roommate from college and her hubby live here and while Andrea is drying her hair, I'm thinking of what I want to accomplish this month.

1. Travel Clinic: I have to get some pretty intense vaccines before I cross continents.  I read up a little bit about Yellow Fever and I'm very thankful to have access to the vaccine before I go.  The virus is spread by mosquitos and Wisconsin mosquitos love me, so I should probably assume West African mosquitos will equally enjoy pestering me.  (Side note: I'm a health care professional, so I know that there is scientific evidence that my incredibly sweet personality "sweetens my blood" and I'm basically insect candy.)

2. Buy Plane Tickets: That will definitely make it real.  I can't wait to call the travel agent and say "One ticket to Africa please!"  My wonderful mom has offered the airline miles that she earns through her company credit card.  What an incredible gesture, that will save quite a bit of money!  Now to figure out the logistics...

3. Start a Packing List: There will be times when I'm not wearing scrubs and will be interacting with staff and the people of Guinea.  Thankfully Mercy Ships provides a culturally sensitive dress code and I'm already thinking of what to pack.  This is also giving me an excuse to buy a maxi skirt or two.  In fact, I'm hoping to do this while I'm in Las Vegas!  Hello Target!

4. Learn Some French: I realize that I probably won't be fluent by January, but learning a few key phrases certainly couldn't hurt!

5. Pray- I am still working on the job situation... and praying about it.  There are a lot of details that will all work themselves out, so I'm praying that God gives me a sense of peace about the nitty-gritties.  Feel free to pray with me!